June 06, 2009
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Box alarm!
Here's my theory regarding wonky television director Tim Iacofano's unwanted sequel The Cell 2: Someone at New Line Cinema -- I'm sorry, Time Warner -- realized what an unwatchable turd this film turned out to be, accidentally noticed similarities between this brainless thriller and Tarsem Singh's visually delicious cult item, and quickly decided to transform this entirely unrelated premise into a miscalculated follow-up. Tessie Santiago stars as Maya, one of the only people to escape the clutches of an elusive serial killer known as The Cusp with life and limb intact. Her experiences with this gimmicky slasher have left the poor lass with an abundance of psychic power, which she uses to track the madman as he continues to add corpses to his ever-increasing body count. Iacofano may excel at translating material to the small screen, but as a feature film director, he still has much to learn. The picture has all the grace and sophistication of the latest weekly TNT drama without the well-rounded cast of has-beens to back it up. Santiago, a woman with all the sex appeal of a gutted fish on Good Friday, is certainly no Jennifer Lopez, and watching her spout horrendous dialogue while striking generic Eva Longoria poses grows brutally tiresome after the first fifteen minutes. The Cell 2 is a cheap cash-in, an easy way for an opportunistic studio to make a few dollars off the success of an engrossing albeit flawed motion picture. An insult to the original film. I really wish Frank Whaley had turned this one down. No hard feelings, my friend.
Recipe For Disaster: Tessie Santiago + One Laughably Overblown Score + I Can't Believe Iacofano Was Nominated For An Emmy
A Note To Producers: Why can't any of you make a follow-up to a film that actually needs a sequel?
I'm still waiting for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie 2.
5 Spasms:
That's a shame. The Cell was actually quite an intriguing piece of work.
You are wrong. I saw this movie and it is actually pretty good. Im sure this budget was a lot lower than the first one and this movie feels more like Seven.
Frank Whaley is scary and the girl is really cute. Fun movie especially the guy hanging off the helecopter in the baseball stadium at the end.
I respectfully must disagree. While it is not the greatest film ever made, it is certainly entertaining. I think Whaley was a lot of fun as the killer
Wow. Either you guys are working in conjunction with the producers of The Cell 2, or you're deluded.
I just watched this amateurish dreck and now its producers are in my head. Ouch, that hurt, stop hurting me, please!
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