January 10, 2009 |
Velvet Elvis is all the luck I need.

Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels director Guy Ritchie has apparently been reunited with his missing testicles, as his ballsy 2008 British gangster epic RocknRolla is a stylish return to form for the troubled filmmaker. Of course, this also means that Ritchie is back to mimicking the moves, grooves, and attitude that made Quentin Tarantino a critically-acclaimed indie darling way back in the mid-90's. In other words, prospective viewers can expect plenty of quirky characters with quirky names, a slew of quirky crime-related situations, and heaps of quirky dialogue loaded with quirky quotable one-liners. But what does all of this silliness add up to? Not a whole lot, I'm afraid. This is pretty much the same old song and dance routine we witnessed during his other like-minded endeavors, though this one lacks the wit and panache of both Snatch and the storyteller's aforementioned debut. Everyone on-board goes a bang-up job with Ritchie's predictable script, especially veteran bad-ass Tom Wilkinson, 300 heartthrob Gerard Butler, and Wilderness scene-stealer Toby Kebbell. Finally, if everyone says their cinematic prayers like good fan boys and girls, Ritchie may deliver the next installment as soon as he's done dipping his toes in the Hollywood money pool once again. If you're the sort who enjoys this sort of silliness, RocknRolla shouldn't disappoint. Otherwise, watch Rise of the Footsoldier and move on -- there's really nothing to see here, anyway.

Recipe For Mediocrity: Generic Gangster Noodling + Thandie Newton Half Asleep + Is This All Ritchie Can Do?

Back In High School: I bought a cheap brass trumpet at a local second-hand shop.

It could only play one note, too.

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