October 22, 2008
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Yet another reason to abuse drugs.Max Payne is the cinematic equivalent of having someone gleefully flatulate into your oozing eye sockets after they've savagely removed your ruined retinas with a rusty Wal-Mart name tag. It's also proof positive that someone in the development wing at Fox is ingesting truckloads of illegally acquired street narcotics when they should be producing quality motion pictures that are genuinely worth the price of a sticky matinee movie ticket. Mark Wahlberg seems utterly perplexed as rogue cold case detective Max Payne, a man who, when he isn't chasing drug dealers and other seedy characters, spends his free time searching desperately for the low-life scoundrels who heartlessly murdered his wife and child. And while Mr. Marky is occasionally capable of delivering outstanding performances, the quality of his work really depends on the strength of the film's director. Sadly, John Moore is barely a filmmaker, as evidenced by his astounding ability to turn an action-packed video game into a plodding, unwatchable mess. Could be interesting, I suppose, if approached as an experiment on how to completely waste an otherwise competent cast of Hollywood professionals. Frankly, you'd be better off buying a used copy of the game at your local neighborhood pawn shop.
Recipe For Disaster: One Muddled Script + Wahlberg's 1000 Yard Stare + Mila Kunis Needs A Better Agent
What I Wanted To See: Wahlberg jumping onto surrealistic blood trails while dead babies wail in the distance.
Feel the vibration.
2 Spasms:
Hell, Wahlberg needs better agent too. I understand the desire of a paycheck movie but how did anyone think this was going to make money.
I'd rather watch The Rock star in a Duke Nukem movie.
I was hoping the film would mirror the graphic novel-style cut scenes from the game. Unfortunately, it just apes the style and color scheme, nothing more.
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