June 27, 2008
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Crack-smoking lipstick lesbians love autopsies.Didn't hypersexual, WB-style hackwork like this go out of style over ten years ago? Apparently not. Arriving like a diseased uncle you assumed had perished back in the late 90's, German director Marc Schoelermann's glossy psychological head game Pathology would love for you to consider it an edgy, shocking, taboo-busting genre explosion like no other. And, to be fair, there is plenty of genuinely offensive imagery on-display, though all of this medically-charged gore and carnage loses every inch of its impact once you realize that the story itself isn't remotely as engaging or cohesive as Crank scribes Neveldine and Taylor would have you believe. The film follows the sinister exploits of hunky medical student Ted Grey (Milo Ventimiglia) during his tenure at one of America's most prestigious pathology programs, an institution which seems to attract nothing but arrogant, thrill-hungry losers who still act like they're roaming the halls of an Orange County high school. Led by the diabolical Dr. Jake Gallo (Michael Weston), this murderous cluster of sociopaths begin challenging one another to commit the perfect crime, one that no pathologist can properly piece together. Though the premise serves as a sturdy backbone for this ambitious production, Schoelermann and his pair of screenwriting monkeys never tie any of this together in a way that's both believable and entertaining. What you're left with, unfortunately, is a fairly gruesome by-the-numbers thriller that even pre-teen mouth-breathers will be able to figure out by the halfway mark. Much to the dismay of all involved, Pathology is as shallow and empty-headed as a marathon of The Hills, though not nearly as enjoyable. Would have made a great episode of CSI, though.
Recipe For Disaster: One Overwrought Script + Several Cheap Attempts At Shock + I Feel Sorry For Larry Drake
Woe Is Milano: Alyssa is much better than this sort of generic, one-note garbage.
Phoebe Halliwell wouldn't stand for it.
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