REVIEW: Surf Nazis Must Die

Don't get salt water on my Swastika, bro.

Peter George's insanely tasteless 1987 oddity Surf Nazis Must Die was an integral part of my DIY B-movie education. During the days of USA's extremely influential late night program Up All Night, a show which savagely warped and molded your favorite self-proclaimed film nerd, this strange little tale of one mother's quest to obliterate the neo-Nazi turds who murdered her son in cold blood was one of my absolute favorites. I'm not entirely sure why, mind you, but I thought it was very clever and, at times, quite humorous. Approximately twenty years later, however, my feelings have changed somewhat. While still entertaining in its own weird way, Surf Nazis Must Die is full of missed opportunities, superfluous surfing footage, and one impossibly awful soundtrack. Had screenwriters Jon Ayre and Peter George focused more on our heroine's mission to brutally plant these whiny pukes into the sand using whatever means necessary, the film probably wouldn't sag as much as it currently does. Don't get me wrong -- watching spoiled surf nazis attempt to take over California's picturesque beaches is certain good for a laugh or two, but an entire feature-length motion picture dedicated to their incessant complaining will test your patience before too long. The only thing that may keep you watching beyond the 30-minute mark is Gail Neely, whose turn as Eleanor "Mama" Washington is both strangely comedic and subtly depressing. If you're a Troma completist, Surf Nazis Must Die is required viewing, as it's definitely one of the stranger, more subdued titles in the distributor's deep catalog of bizarro titles. The rest of you might want to catch the next wave, instead. Besides, it looks like you could use the sun, you pasty bastard.

Recipe For Mediocrity: Too Much Nazi Whining + An Incredibly Boring Storyline + Not Enough Mama Washington

In Memoriam: Why isn't there anything like Up All Night on television right now?

If anyone is looking to fill the void, I'd be happy to help.