REVIEW: The Shepherd - Border Patrol

Tell me about the rabbits.

Do you know the secret to a really good Jean-Claude Van Damme movie? I'm willing to wager my great-grandfather's entire midget farm that you, dear reader, do not possess this bizarre little slice of cinematic lore. After all, I did not learn the intricate answer to this puzzling equation until I ventured deep within Isaac Florentine's saucy 2008 martial arts explosion The Shepherd. It would appear the only ingredients you need to satisfy that desperate longing for some serious Van Damme intensity are a handful of nondescript enemies with moderate kung fu abilities, a police chief with heaving cleavage, an unfortunate but obvious plot twist, and a cute little rabbit in a tiny cage. Jean-Claude's first 2008 release is a scorcher, packed to the proverbial gills with mildly exciting car chases, shockingly effective shoot-outs, and, last but not least, several highly engaging fight sequences that actually require our heroic spin kicker to perform moves you haven't seen since his glory days as a theatrical icon. In terms of overall quality, however, The Shepherd resembles something produced during the late 90's; if nothing else, it's easily his strongest effort since Philippe Martinez's savagely underrated 2004 revenge flick Wake of Death. At the end of the day, Florentine's violent tale of illegal immigrants, Mexican drug lords, and oddball one-liners is just plain fun to watch. And when it comes to films of this nature, that's all I'm really asking for. As long as there's a bunny, of course.

Recipe For Success: J.J. Perry's Fight Choreography + Florentine's Flamboyant Direction + Less Talk, More Blood

Mexican Border Legends: I once heard that someone smuggled drugs into this country using a dead baby.

I want to see Van Damme fight dead babies.