When the time comes for me to wither and weeze and die in a derelict nursing home surrounded by feeding tubes and oxygen tanks, I shall not regret the fact that I watched the hypnotically entertaining 2002 Mario Lopez thriller Outta Time on a beautiful sunny February afternoon while nursing a bottle of diet soda. Did I expect to adore this goofy little picture as much as I currently do? Of course not. I anticipated a few laughs, a handful of campy fight scenes, and, perhaps, the sinking sensation that I had, in fact, wasted yet another 90 minutes of my life watching mindless cinema in a dimly lit room. In addition to contributing greatly to my cellar dweller complexion, Outta Time provided yours truly with enough chewy goodness for me declare it a success, though I'm almost positive that few will agree with this bold, unorthodox sentiment. Directed by Lorena David -- who teamed up with Lopez three years earlier for something called Eastside -- and co-starring Comedy Central funny guy Carlos Mencia, the film follows the adventures of an injured soccer player who resorts to smuggling serums into Mexico to help pay for his bloated college tuition. In other words, there's plenty of stiff acting, ridiculous low-budget action, and an elderly Richard Lynch to feed those starving for something hollow and impossibly easy to digest. There's not a lot here to send you screaming back for seconds, mind you, but Outta Time should supply those in need of cheap STV thrills with an evening's worth of babes, brawn, and tiny coolers.
Recipe For Success: Mario Lopez's Naive Performance + John Saxon + Carlos Mencia's Physical Embodiment Of His Only Joke
More About Mencia: Did you know his real name is Ned Arnel Mencía?
Ned Arnel! What a hoot!