February 14, 2008
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Pick a fight after school, eh?If you've ever wondered what a Canadian high school might look like if veteran action hero Dolph Lundgren was hired to teach history and physical education to a group of juvenile delinquents, perhaps it's time you sat your entire graduating class down with a tired copy of director Sidney J. Furie's ridiculously enjoyable 2003 thriller Detention. The picture -- a generic chemical compound featuring several elements from Die Hard, Lean on Me, and, God help us, Demolition High -- is the epitome of silliness, a 90 minute excursion into over-the-top theatrics, cliched scenarios, and teenage pregnancy. For instance, have you ever asked your grandmother for a cinematic chase sequence involving an electric wheelchair and a motorcycle filmed inside a high school? If so, Detention is locked, loaded, and ready for your consumption. Lundgren, meanwhile, appears to be operating on autopilot, allowing his legion of melodramatic co-stars to pick up the proverbial slack. In true Nu Image fashion, there are more expended shell casings than dialogue, more extended shoot-outs than thought-provoking characterization. But do you really need depth and drama and solid acting when there's so many bullets and explosions and hair-brained plot twists? Of course not. Detention isn't going to redefine the majestic art of the bullet ballet, mind you, but it should pack enough dodgy power to keep devoted B-movie followers from dismissing it altogether. Pop quiz next period; better bring your pistol.
Recipe For Success: Dolph Lundgren Dodging Point Blank Gunfire + Alex Karzis's Delirious Performance + Enough Cheesy One-Liners To Choke A Small Child
Goodbye, Blockbuster: Cleaning out an abandoned video store will allow you to pick through several unwanted previously-viewed VHS tapes.
Their loss, my gain. I think.
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