Professional goof-off Ted Nicolaou's hilariously cheesy 1992 sci-fi rocker Bad Channels is concrete proof that you don't necessarily need a great premise, great actors, or great special effects to craft a motion picture that will leave a lasting impression on anyone brave enough to experience its awkward charms first-hand. Here's the big idea: One hideously grotesque alien and his clunky robot sidekick kidnap a handful of beautiful women using a former polka station's state-of-the-art AM radio technology. In order to lure these curvy ladies into their miniaturized prisons, our favorite extraterrestrial perverts must hypnotize them with generic early-80's hair metal videos by a slew of bands you've never heard of. Had this life-altering cinematic treasure not been released by the likes of Full Moon Entertainment, methinks my opinion of this incredibly odd little flick would've been drastically different. After all, nobody does camp quite like Charles Band, especially when you have the director of Subspecies at the helm and a score composed and performed by the likes of Blue Oyster Cult blazing across the mono soundtrack. The addition of MTV icon Martha Quinn, of course, is a thin layer of innocent icing on this deliciously naughty cake. If you consider yourself a fan of Bad Channels, by all means, let me know. Because at the moment, I feel a bit lonely. And more than a little moist
Recipe For Success: Bad Metal + Bad Acting + Special Effects That Strangely Resemble Floam
Full Moon And You: If you so desire, feel free to snag a copy of Full Moon Classics, Vol. 1 at your favorite local retailer.
You can use that copy of Arcade to scratch your ass.