September 08, 2007
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Don't forget to call your Sifu.In their neverending quest to leave a greasy, slightly odorous funk upon every movie they release, Dimension boldly chopped, sliced, and dubbed every Jet Li title they acquired, turning many entertaining films into mindless heaps of worm-infested dog droppings. That said, they've done a breathtaking job of turning Tsui Hark's forgettable 1989 fighter The Master into an unintentionally hilarious motion picture experience, a death-defying feat which utilizes some of the worst English dubbing you're ever likely to encounter. The characters are living, breathing, fully-functioning stereotypes complete with appropriate ethnic catchphrases and race-specific fashion options. Storywise, there's very little to discuss, unless, of course, you feel the need to debate the impact of race and class wars on small business owners of Asian descent. The flick finally sputters to life during its punchy, over-the-top finale, though I suspect most will have moved on to greener pastures by then. This is definitely an item that will appeal only to Jet Li completists and gutter-scrubbing fanboys. You know who you are.
Recipe For Disaster: Clunky Story + Lackluster Fights + Dimension's Mental Retardation
Facts From The Streets: White guys with big city mullets are always efficient fighters. Always.
I've heard it has something to do with genital compensation.
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