November 03, 2006
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Not your birthday, silly. The other B-Day.
Well, if you're not familiar with the other B-Day, I'm really not surprised. In fact, I just made it up on the spot. Kinda nifty, eh? Regardless of whether or not you find my snazzy new holiday to be worth your while, you cannot deny the fact that no less than THREE spiffy B-Grade action extravaganzas are on their way to retail shelves across the nation this very second. Want me to list them for you? You know you want me to. It's okay to admit it. Just don't tell your father, okay? He told me never to make lists for you again, you know, after what happened last time.
Sorry about that. Here's another list:
Flight of Fury (Steven Seagal) -- Our favorite not-quite-as-chubby aikido master must return a stolen stealth bomber before a covert terrorist organization can use it to detonate something nasty right here in these United States of America. Will Seagal prevail? As if you had to ask.
Crooked (Don "The Dragon" Wilson) -- A year in my life just isn't complete without a little Don Wilson action. Oh, yeah. This time the kickboxing champion finds himself protecting a sexy hooker from a gaggle of underworld goons and a handful of corrupt cops. Expect plenty of nonsense courtesy of veteran action director Art Camacho.
Walking Tall: The Payback (Hercules) -- Was the pointless yet entertaining remake of Walking Tall not enough to satisfy your hunger for glossy small town heroics? If not, there's a sequel just waiting to take your breath away. It's essentially the same setup as last time, so I'll spare you the details.
The question remains: Can you handle this spectacular Cheese Trifecta? I seriously doubt it. However, if you're willing to take the challenge, you can find these wonderful little films everywhere on February 20th. Buy an extra copy for your mother, too. You know she loves Seagal.
Happy B-Day!
T.
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