Posted
Sunday, January 07, 2007
|
Only you can prevent genetic mutations.Do you know why I'll never venture into the eastern Kentucky woods, pitch a plastic tent, and roast some frozen precooked weenies over an open fire? Mutant animals, my friends. Giant mutant animals. Just when you're snuggling into your expensive sleeping bag for a good night's sleep, they come rampaging through the forest, eating your loved ones and making quite the mess. And if those freakish abominations don't get you, the mercury poisoning will. So whatever you do, stay out of the woods, dear readers. That is, of course, if you want to stay alive. It's your decision, of course.
Instead, why not rent a movie from your favorite local video store and park yourself in front of the television with a nice bowl of hot buttered popcorn. According to scientific research conducted by The American Institute of Rubbery Monsters, you're less likely to be mauled by a carnivorous teddy bear if you hide you and your family deep in the heart of suburbia. Seriously! Look it up if you don't believe me.
If you need further proof as to what can happen to a person when they journey out-of-doors, perhaps a viewing of John Frankenheimer's 1979 monster flick Prophecy is in order. After all, it does feature a number of interesting individuals not unlike yourself wandering through the wilderness with a deformed man-eater nipping at their heels. According to the OP's living in the area, this is a pretty common occurrence. Thanks to a little poisoning from a nearby paper mill, this sizable slice of Maine's wooded frontier is slowly transforming itself into something terrible, something hideous and oh-so hungry. Guess who's lowest on the food chain? That's right: YOUR CHILDREN.
Only Robert Verne, a doctor who specializes in ghetto rat attacks, and his pregnant wife Maggie can put the pieces to this environmental puzzle together before things get any worse. Armed with their unshakable wits and a posse of Native American cliches, these unfortunate human beings will bear witness to the product of greedy and unscrupulous industrialization. Can they stop this genetic nightmare before it spreads to the rest of this great nation? Of course not. Take a quick look around you; they failed miserably. So much for suspense.
Armed with a message, a stick, and a dead horse, Prophecy teaches you that big corporations and rich white people are inherently evil, a truth you're bound to learn sooner or later. In order to stuff this bitter message into the collective throat of the typical American movie-goer, the environmental danger comes in the guise of a hideously deformed mutant bear, a beast so powerful that it can make Armand Assante quake in his impeccable Italian loafers. Which is fine, I suppose, though it does come across more than a little preachy at times. Yes, smoke-puffing paper plants are very bad things. Yes, mutant animals that randomly attack campers are definitely no good. Stop hitting me about the head and neck with your message and get with the graphic violence, okay? Thanks.
Ask and ye shall receive, indeed. For a PG-rated film, there's a number of gory moments to help ease the script's heavy-handed bibble babble into your pathetically simple thought process. Aside from the obvious deformities that arise from polluted waters, Prophecy comes equipped with bloody head wounds, dead children, decapitations, and Armand Assante portraying a sensitive cracker-hating Native American. Like Jaws and Poltergeist, you have to wonder how this thing avoided the dreaded R-rating. Gotta love those kooky 70's!
Leading the charge into this polluted chunk of America is none other than Robert Foxworth (Syriana) and Talia Shire (Rocky, The Godfather). As an on-screen married couple, they make great strangers. There's very little chemistry between them, resulting in a number of flat emotional scenes that only serve to drag down the film's otherwise deliberate pacing. Also along for the ride is the aforementioned Armand Assante, whose turn as the stoic John Hawks will most likely cause unintentional chuckles in select members of the audience. After that, I'm afraid, comes the selective amnesia. "Who played John Hawks?" you'll ask, scratching your head in confusion. A vague mental image of Graham Greene will suddenly dominate your thoughts, causing you to nod your head and smile in silent satisfaction.
I'm kidding, of course. Maybe I'm being a little too hard on Prophecy. After all, it's just a silly 70's B-movie wrapped in a doomsday tale of environmental destruction at the hands of corporate America. Taken seriously, Frankenheimer's rare excursion into traditional horror isn't very well executed. The monster looks cheap, the story never really goes anywhere special, and the ending is beyond silly. In other words, it's just not that great. However, if approached as nothing more than a monster movie with half a brain and deformed smile, Prophecy might be worth digging through the cut-out bins to find.
Just keep your eyes peeled for the rabid raccoons, okay?
Posted by
The Film Fiend
Posts
0 Spasms:
Post a Comment